In Paradise Kashmir

In India marriage of a girl  is  an issue that  starts weighing on the parents right from the time the child is born and continues to disturb the peace of the family all thru life .I believe all the evils  related to the girl child-female foeticide,child marriage,dowry deaths ,suicides and domestic violence are the harrowing shadows surrounding a girl's marriage.Though all the problems can not have one solution but right education and economic independence of the girls are two major solutions in this direction.
Marriage was no priority for me.It has been my firm belief that  a girl must be educated ,join a profession ,be economically independent and lead an independent life for sometime to know the self as well as life before getting married and I followed what I believed.I knew the need and importance of marriage but I was very clear that I would marry a person of my choice only ,one who  shares the same philosophy n marries me for what I am;  I was  also determined to marry without any dowry. Economic or social status,material possessions,caste ,creed,religion had no importance,what I looked for was love ,peace,understanding ,happiness and harmony in relationship which I generally found missing .
Our dream came true,we found each other , got married in 1972 to set out on a journey which ,we knew ,was going to be very challenging.Whatever little savings I had ,were just adequate to equip our sweet home to start with. .There was no back up,no support and yet we just wanted a break and vanish into the paradise ,away from all the worries n conflicts of life. This break was essential to energise us to face the challenges which were waiting to test our strength. There was enough of adventurous spirit and courage of conviction in both of us.I received some amount of money as shaguns -sending off gifts from my relatives which was enough to fulfill our wish.
So we set out on a journey to  Kashmir valley .They say if there is  heaven on earth ,it is here,it is here..You had to be there to believe it.I do not know the state of affairs now ,ever since it has turned into a valley of terror but I really feel so happy that we were a part of this paradise for ten days which was truly a heavenly experience .
We stayed at a hotel along the Dal Lake which itself was a great experience as we could enjoy the beauty of the grand view of the nerve- soothing peaceful vast expanse of water n listen to the embalming music of the waves day n night.Srinagar has vast, beautiful lakes and river Jhelum which lend a heavenly charm to this place .The Kashmir Valley is a lacustrine plain surrounded by snow-clad high mountain ranges presenting a charming view all around -a treat to the  Eyes.There used to be palatial House boats having all the royal facilities the rich .And there were lovely small beautifully decorated boats called Shikaras in which two loving souls could relax silently and experience the beauty of the river of life if it is allowed to flow its own way uninterrupted by our unnecessary fears ,anxieties and plans. Out of the ten  days, we spent four days boating on  the  wonderful Dal And the Beautiful Nagin lakes  hiring the shikaras for full days.The  Kashmiri Kahva offered by simple Shikara wallahs would upllift our spirits and their simple tales from the area touch our heart..Shalimar Bagh,Nishat Bagh n Char Chinar represented man's effort to add beauty to the place  . The other fascinating tourist spots in the neighbourhood were the beautiful temperate meadows-The Yus merg,the Gulmerg and the Sona merg.Sona merg had a beautiful glacier nearby which was another marvel of nature.
We would board Deluxe buses of the state tourism early in the morning at around 6.00 a m. n come back at around 10.00pm.So the major problem we faced was that of food.Early morning ,while going  n after ten p.m.we  would not find any food near our hotel.Somehow  at that time ,even at the well known tourist places we did not find good eating places but feast that beautiful nature offered to the soul was more than a compensation.An interesting experience we had was at Khilanmerg where we went by ponies from Gulmerg.This place is at a ht. of 14000ft. and there we found a small dhaba run by a Sardarji who was making the famous punjabi aloo-Parantha whas being offered with curd n butter .We still remember the taste of  that heavenly food .Pahalgam was the only place which was developed and had good eating places.Achhabal n ,Kukarnaag,were other lovely spots which still fresh on the screen.The Saffron fields at Sopore in all their beauty n  historical remains of Avantipur still haunt us.

The beauty,serenity and peace of the paradise has always been a part of our strength.Nature is always beautiful and blissful but we  enjoy only if we are at peace with ourselves.
Where is paradise -within us or outside?

The Unforgettable and Invaluable Help-Ram Naresh

Bringing up your children is the most challenging test that you face when both of you are working,are without any support from the families,can not afford to take leave without pay as there is no back up and no support from anywhere,we had tough time facing it .In those days maternity leave was granted only for 90 days-48 days before and 42 days after the delivery.Even if you decided to take leave without pay you would not be granted so inhumanly strict used be the bosses despite the provisions of employing persons on ad-hoc basis did exist.I used to wonder why our Govt. was so apathetic to the most crucial demand of the times in the interest of empowerment of women n raising healthy human resources of the nation.Thankfully efforts of the people who suffered have borne results and leave rules have become very liberal now, at least for the coming generations.
we had nerve-shattering experiences with lot many inexperienced maids,creches,families and places till our first born reached three n a half years when he started going to the nursary school .Though the problem still persisted,there came another challenge,I was sponsored by my department to teachers' training programme in which I had to spend two summer vacations at the Regional college Ajmer.In the first summer vacation of two months my eldest brother n bhabhi offered to keep the child with them at Ludhiana.I can not repay their debt for this beautiful gesture as the child was so lovingly kept that their love reflected through my child's health and happiness when he came back.
In the next summer vacation, my child was not ready to go anywhere,just wanted to be at home .This was when my elder sister thought of sending this boy to me who was to be a part of our life for the next seven years  and gave us unforgettable and invaluable help.
He was Ram Naresh - a 16 year old boy who had been studying at his native place in class ninth when Jai Prakash Narayan ji started his movement which took the nation by storm,Bihar was at the forefront.According to him some boys of his school killed a policeman because of the unjust atrocities on some students due to which their school became the centre of police wrath.As told by him one day as the classes were in progress ,police gheraoed their school n someone rang the long bell asking all of them to leave the school as well as the village if they wanted to save themselves from the police torture.These were the circumstances in which he was made to board a train for Delhi n from there landed in Faridabad where his maternal grand-mother lived. She brought him to my sister to seek employment.Since my sister had two small daughters ,she did not deem it fit to employ him so she sent him to me for which I remain indebted to her.
His arrival changed our life .I have not seen a more devoted,sincere,honest,  affectionate and cultured person as a help.We had decided not  to have another child though I did not want my child to be all alone in this big world.I had  many siblings n I loved them all.It was because of  his affectionate n dedicated attitude that we could think of having second child and it was a joy for all of us .He took care of both- the little one n the elder one more lovingly than any nearest relation could do.It was his passion to pass matric exam .and get into Govt. job,otherwise he said he would also land in a coal-mine which he hated.We arranged tuitions for him-,Maths,Eng, n Panjabi were his major hurdles but like king Bruce we all believed in trying again n again without giving up,it took years but finally he did pass.And as promised we got him employed in Govt,Service in Punjab as  a helper initially.But he is a clerk now,well settled ,married and has his own house .
He is well settled and we have that satisfaction but we cannot repay for the invaluable service  he provided at the most difficult period of our life-that is certainly Unforgettable.May God bless him with the best in life.  

There is goodness around even today

All of us are,these days, confronted with the challenge of living in a big bad world having apathetic ,indifferent n cold people around but scene is not so depressing as it seems,goodness abounds in some measure around  even today n it is that which sustains life.
Chandigarh-Panchkula -Mohali tricity has a large number of senior citizens living alone ,crime scene is dangerously scary-incidents of theft,loot,murder are common.In most of the cases whole-time or part-time servants working for them are involved but there is no way out as they can not manage their affairs without the help.
In keeping with the demand many good medical stores,General Stores n testing labs  have been providing service at ur door step n giving senior citizens' discounts which is of great help in this township .We have been depending on these services for a long time without which it would be impossible to survive.We simply have to make a phone call for any of these services n we get what we want at our door step.
We may say that they have commercial interests but it does matter when some one gives thought to the problems senior citizens are facing  and tries to help them thru such humane considerations where the State has no role to help them n ur own children are away.
The personal human touch by some individuals leaves you simply speechless,we have some wonderful experiences to share which redeem ur faith in humanity.My husband had been looking for good magazines at various shopping centres but could not find any help as everyone said that there was no demand so they do not keep .Finally one owner of a big stationary shop  asked the names of the magazines he wanted n agreed to provide at our house.This very smart,sophisticated young boy of our son's age would come in a big brand car n supply us the magazines,would not bother about the money saying he would have next time which he did have . I always wondered what could be his commercial interest coming in such a big car for two magazines n always felt that he was just helping us n  I was right.One day when he brought a magazine late by a few days ,my husband asked him the reason,it was then that he shared that he had no business interest in it n that he was just helping us seeing our desire n  our age-Oh I felt like showering all my love on the lovely son.He has been regularly coming to provide food for the mind as well as soul.
During my husband's confinement for ten months  due to an accident, many such episodes touched us.Most of the goodness flowed from the friends who have always stood by us but some individuals from the neighbourhood floored us by their gestures.One such incident is unforgettable .There came a time that I had no vegetables, no provisions,eatables for snacks etc in the house as our driver could not come for a few days ,no shopkeeper was taking a call n there was no mode of conveyance available nearby to go to the market.Feeling helpless one evening I decided to walk down ,as I had covered some distance , a young boy from the neighbourhood  stopped his car n requested me to get in .I thanked him n  told him that i was going to the nearby store n would walk down the distance.He insisted me to sit in the car n that he would drop me at the store .When I sat in the car, he enquired about my husband's well being ,apologised for not being of any help because of his transfer to Ambala .Then he asked me  if I wanted any vegetables.He was a God sent son,I shared  my problems with him n told that I wanted all the vegetables available along with onions n potatoes as I had none .Within two hours he brought everything I needed n would not accept the money he spent saying that he was just like our son n that it was his duty  .I did make the payment saying that his help was priceless n I had no words to thank him but I would not accept anything if he did not accept its payment.Can i pay  him  for his goodness-never it is invaluable.
Let us have faith in Him ,He is always around to stand by us in one or other form whenever we need Him.

Lonely hearts

Last evening we went for a walk after about a month on our favourite route in the neighbouring sector  mainly inhabited by defence officers.We love the area because all the houses have beautifully maintained lawns,lovely plantation,well laid flower beds with choicest varieties of flowers,fascinating creepers both  inside as well as outside the houses,even the roadsides plantation is well taken care of n the layout n upkeep of  parks has no parallel.The entire area rejuvenates ur spirits n refreshes ur mind.
In one of the corner bunglows, we have always found , as we passed by ,old melodies from hindi films,gazals or semi-classical music -all of our choice playing softly so we always loved n admired the collection of people occupying  the house .
Yesterday for the first time we found an old smart Sardar ji tending plants in the lawn n very soulful music playing inside .My husband could not resist the temptation of talking to the gentleman  to convey our appreciation of his wonderful collection.He was so overwhelmed that he invited us inside the house to know about us n note down our address n tel no. so that we could meet n enjoy the music from his collection.Once we were inside  he got so thrilled that he made all possible efforts to make us feel comfortable. He offered a drink to my husband n was at a loss to understand what to offer to me. He told us that he was a retd. Col.from the Indian Army,84 years of age ,lost his wife of 64 years of togetherness two years back living alone in that big bunglow.Then he went on n on telling us how his wife died of cardiac arrest two years back in his arms leaving his life topsy- turvy ,how he went into depression n was,now ,trying to come to terms with loneliness.His two grown-up children- a 58 years old daughter married to an air force officer n 54 years old son from merchant navy settled in Australia wanted him to live with them but he chose to live in his own house.His activities include yoga,meditation,driving to the Chandigarh golf course where he runs for three kms.
All the while he was trying to find some snacks, some eatables to offer to us; n kept telling us that his house used to be so well managed by his wife ,full of soft drinks,eatable n always ready to offer best hospitality to the guests but now he does not know how to manage .He told us that many a times he sleeps on the ground where she left him last n that at times he feels that she may come from some corner n get cross with him for living a disorganised life.
He was very happy to know about our native towns as he belonged to my husband's native distt, n his son-in-law n daughter-in-law belonged to my native town n shared with many stories from those towns..All this while he kept on trying to find our favourite songs to play but his excitement  to converse with us overpowered n he could not play any song for us.During this time even if we wispered to leave he would just get nervous n said no ,not yet.It was only after two  n a half hours that we took leave promising to visit him again .It was a mood changer for us.He thanked us for being with him,he said "Do u know how i feel today,u have made me feel that I am alive "-a lonely heart waiting for love. we were deeply touched,felt happy to be with him n came back with the promise to meet. We will certainly meet him again- a perfect gentle n noble soul living with dignity n grace.